It is odd that I appreciated that particular story. In my fantasies men are (almost) always benevolent and firm. I mean seriously, nothing in that story matched my usual criteria. The age difference was not significant. The receiver was a boy. The senior boy had no legitimate authority. Their relationship was unhealthy. The punishments were unnecessary, uncaring, delivered out of pure sadism, when I like to imagine that my spanker wants me to improve my behavior - that he punishes me for my own good, having my best interests at heart.
And yet, it was the first time I got so close to an orgasm. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. I was a young teenager at that time. I was reading the book in the car with my family. I had to stop reading from time to time to calm down! I couldn't help gasping and squirming. So very odd.
I remember the feeling of guilt that I felt at that period. I had not accepted my fantasies yet. I was afraid of that part of myself. Somehow however something broke at that period. The excitement got the best of me. I stopped fighting the dreams.
For several days after my discovery I pictured myself in the main character's shoes, severely punished for honest mistakes or clumsiness. I extrapolated the story and arranged some elements. For instance I was punished on the bare. I added more shame in front of the friends and I kept the pain, the sadism, the humiliation...
However since my fantasies are back and since I've had the chance to live some of them, my dreams never feature sadistic men anymore. Sometimes I wonder where I've hidden that part of myself. The caning fantasy remains, but I receive it either from a man or a woman who wants me to mend my ways.The idea of being punished for no real misdeed does not really appeal.
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